One of the things I like best about taking public transportation to work every day is the lessons I learn about my fellow travelers that I then use to extrapolate on humanity writ large. For example: I had never assumed that there were true Subway aficionados. I’m talking about the fast food sandwich place here, not the style of train. It had long been my supposition that Subway was not the sort of place that anyone ever planned to go. It was just there, because it’s just everywhere and if you want a sandwich and don’t have a lot of cash on you it would be a perfectly acceptable solution. I had assumed that the key to Subway’s success was its ubiquity, as the owners are so keen on having more restaurants than any other fast food place that they will okay any franchise no matter what business it may cannibalize.

These assumptions, I have found, were not entirely accurate.

On the northbound Brown Line I shared a car with two very loud Subway true believers. Sitting across from each other — if you are a heterosexual male traveling in a group you don’t take a neighboring seat but sit across from your companion and yell across the aisle because, apparently, only queers sit beside one another — these two lads loudly and angrily declared their love for Subway while comparing preferences. The conversation went a little like this at one point:

“What kind of bread do you get with a meatball?”

“Fuck you! I’m not going to fucking tell you. You’ll just laugh at me again.”

“You little fucking bitch! What kind of bread?”

“No, fuck you!”

“You fucking little bitch! What kind of bread?”

“Just Italian, all the way.”

“That’s dumb! That’s dumb and childish!”

I’ve actually shortened that considerably. There were quite a few more “bitches” and “fucking” involved in the original version. This kind of conversation continued for cheese selection as well as many of the major condiments.

These fellows knew everything about the chain. They knew the menu, which subs could be had at a discount, which locations at which they could get free drinks, and they wanted the entire car to know about it.

You really can learn a lot on the L.