This is the day after my surgery. I might have posted last night — the night of the surgery — were I not still slightly out of it. The drugs they gave me had lingering effects and my head was not fully clear until this morning.

I spent the most of yesterday with one of two bags of frozen peas over my junk. As one bag thawed out I’d swap it with the one in the freezer. The swelling was only minor and apart from a dull aching sensation I really felt no discomfort from the surgery itself. My freshly colored tattoo pained me greater than my testicles.

Having the surgery done took no more than 15 to 20 minutes. The team of nurses very efficiently hooked me up to a pulse oximeter, EKG, and catheter within moments of lying on the table. The actual snipping took only a matter of minutes. I could feel a bit of tugging, but nothing terribly uncomfortable.

Thankfully, my appointment was bumped up to a morning slot from the previously scheduled afternoon visit. I don’t know if I could have made it until the afternoon without coffee.

I’m not walking around the house like some sort of cowboy with legs spread wide. There’s still a bit of tenderness, particularly when manipulating to go to the bathroom. I’m committed to taking it easy just laying on the couch with my copy of Fire Emblem: The Sacred Stones in which I continue to replay a level with an arena because I keep fucking it up.

Two more days of laziness to go. Wish me luck.

It’s about 7 o’clock in the evening on Thursday, February the 8th and in a few hours I will be removing the hair from my scrotum. I wouldn’t normally be doing this — I’m not particularly fond of the bald look down there. I’m having some work done on my plumbing, so to speak, and those parts must be as hairless as possible.

Yep, tomorrow morning I’m scheduled to be sterilized. By choice, of course. My wife and I have discussed the issue thoroughly and are resolutely decided that children are not in our future. Vasectomies being much cheaper, safer, and less uncomfortable than female sterilization I thought it only proper that I volunteer my nuts to the cause.

We’ve bought all the essentials: sweatpants, briefs, and frozen peas. We’ve both got the day off work tomorrow. For good measure, I went ahead and took Monday off as well. I’m just about settled in for a long weekend of tender, swollen balls.

Oh, that, and a hairless nutsack.