Ceremony Text
wedding party processional:
“In Your Eyes” – Peter Gabriel
Benjamin escorted his parents up the aisle. They were followed by Benjamin’s brother Andrew, the Best man. Then the Maid of Honor, Staci’s sister, Amy, entered with the Ring Bearer…Leroy! (Alternately known as the Best Dog.) Finally, our officiant, Adam, entered and stood behind the makeshift podium (aka music stand).
bridal processional:
“I Will Follow You into the Dark” – Death Cab for Cutie
Staci was escorted up the aisle by both of her parents. Staci’s dad took a moment to explain how they were not giving Staci away, they were merely accompanying her to a new path in her life.
introduction/opening
Adam:
“Civil marriage is at once a deeply personal commitment to another human being and a highly public celebration of the ideals of mutuality, companionship, intimacy, fidelity, and family. Because it fulfills the yearnings for security, safe haven, and connection that express our common humanity, civil marriage is an esteemed institution and the decision whether and whom to marry is among life’s momentous acts of self-definition.” – Justice CJ Marshall of the Massachusetts Supreme Court
In order to better understand the decision that Staci and Benjamin make today, it’s important to understand the context in which they make that decision. Marriage is not the institution it once was, it has evolved rather significantly from its origins, and the role of husband and wife have evolved alongside.
For much of its history, marriage has defined what it means to be man and woman by reinforcing traditional gender roles. In it’s earliest form, marriage was used as a binding contract in the exchange of property, the advancement of one’s lineage, the transfer of wealth and in the establishment of political alliance. It was not unusual for the betrothed to have little or no say in who their partner would be, and there were rigid demands placed on both wife and husband once they were wed. Love, unfortunately, was an afterthought, as was any consideration of the equality of man and woman.
As marriage became less transactionary and more concerned with building a home and a life together, the expectations associated with becoming husband and wife became further defined; women became yoked with a subservient domestic role while men retained the dominant role of breadwinner and head-of-household. Marrying meant accepting those expectations, and the decision to marry was often influenced heavily by the willingness and ability of a partner to fill these roles properly. While love and initial attraction often brought partners together, societal pressure and the demands of their separate roles played a big part in keeping them wed.
The past few decades have seen an unravelling of those assumptions, marriage is no longer mired in its former expectations and pressures, husbands and wives are loosed from their traditional roles, and when Staci and Benjamin chose to enter this bond they did so on equal ground, forming a partnership that is based entirely upon mutual love, understanding and equality.
reading 1
Andy:
“The point of marriage is not to create a quick commonality by tearing down all boundaries; on the contrary, a good marriage is one in which each partner appoints the other to be the guardian of his solitude, and thus they show each other the greatest possible trust. A merging of two people is an impossibility, and where it seems to exist, it is a hemming-in, a mutual consent that robs one party or both parties of their fullest freedom and development. But once the realization is accepted that even between the closest people infinite distances exist, a marvelous living side-by-side can grow up for them, if they succeed in loving the expanse between them, which gives them the possibility of always seeing each other as a whole and before an immense sky.”
from Rainer Maria Rilke’s On Love and Other Difficulties
declaration of intentions
Adam:
“Today is a celebration not of a beginning but rather of a bond that already exists between you. It is a time to acknowledge and share this bond before continuing onward. Today you not only share your joy in the present and the growth you have already realized together, but your commitment to share the future. Together you will forge your own path in this world and work to make a difference in it, living consciously and with integrity and compassion.
“I ask you now, in the presence of your gathered friends and family, is it your intention to enter such a union?”
(Bride and Groom responded “Yes!” obviously.)
reading 2
Amy:
“I like you
And I know why
I like you because
You are a good person
To like
“I like you because
When I tell you something special
You know it’s special
And you remember it
A long long time
You say
Remember when you told me
Something special
And both of us remember
“When I think something is important
You think it’s important too
We have good ideas
When I say something funny
You laugh
I think I’m funny and
You think I’m funny too
“I like you because if I think I am going to
throw up then you are really sorry
You don’t just pretend you are busy looking at
the birdies and all that
You say maybe it was something you ate
You say the same thing happened to me one time
And the same thing did
“If you find two four-leaf clovers
You give me one
If I find four
I give you two
If we only find three
We keep on looking
Sometimes we have good luck
And sometimes we don’t
“I like you because
I don’t know why but
Everything that happens
Is nicer with you
I can’t remember when I didn’t like you
It must have been lonesome then”
from I Like You
exchange of vows
Adam:
“Benjamin and Staci will now exchange their vows.”
Benjamin:
“I promise to share in your life from this day forward no matter where it may lead. I will join you in enjoying the coming pleasures and help bear the load of the coming difficulties.
“I promise to be with you in sickness and in less sickness. When in sickness I will bring glasses of water and ask you if you’re feeling any better, and when in great sickness and you are laying in an uncomfortable hospital bed all tangled up in tubes I will bring you your toothbrush and clean underpants and wait at your bedside, and when in times of less sickness we’ll both be glad that things are going pretty well.*
“I promise to give you as much space as I can when you need it, but to always be as close as you want me to be.
“I promise to do everything in my power to help you achieve your goals and to never, ever stand in the way of them.
“I promise to recognize you as a wholly separate individual. Though we may be bound by marriage, we are not bound to it. I will see you as a wife second. First, I will see you as Staci.
“You are my best friend, my partner, my equal, my family. I love you.”
*To fully appreciate Benjamin’s vows, an explanation is necessary for some. I have Crohn’s disease, so sickness is quite often more the norm for me than health. I was in the hospital the week before we got engaged. And he did, indeed, bring me clean underpants.—Staci
Staci:
“I promise to share in your life from this day forward, in the joys as well as the sorrows. Where you go, I will follow, no matter how rough the road may get.
“I promise to be with you in times of sickness and health. When you are sick, I will bring you gatorade and chicken soup and commiserate with you over troublesome internal organs.
“I promise to continue to learn and grow with you, to always be open and honest with you and to respect and appreciate our differences.
“I promise to always support you in the realization of your goals and dreams and to do my best to help you achieve them.
“I promise to respect your individuality and always remember that we do not complete, but instead compliment each other. Though we may be bound by marriage, we are not bound to it nor are we defined by it.
“You are my best friend, my partner, my equal, my family. I love you.”
ring exchange
Adam:
“Can I have the rings, please?”
(Amy then took the rings from a chain around Leroy’s neck, with only minimal difficulty.)
Benjamin to Staci/Staci to Benjamin:
“With this ring, I give you my promise that from this day forward you shall never walk alone. My heart will be your shelter, my arms will be your home. We will walk together through life as partners and best friends. I promise that I shall always do my best to love and accept you exactly the way you are. With this ring, I give you your freedom and my trust in you. I give you my heart until the end of time; I have no greater gift to give.“
pronouncement
Adam:
“By the power vested in me by the great state of West Virginia, I now declare you to be legally married.”
kiss
Adam:
“You’ve shared a thousand kisses, let this one be remembered.”
presentation
Adam:
“I now present to you as husband and wife for the first time, Benjamin White and Staci Robinson.”
recessional
“Ring of Fire” – Johnny Cash